Recently, I just realized na mahina na ang "studently" powers ko. Hindi na ako masyadong matalas sa memorization unlike before. Kahapon kasi, nagkaroon kami ng weekend exam, it was a pain in the ass memorizing a big number of newly-introduced terms in a span of 5 days. Walang pumapasok sa isip ko masyado habang nagka-cram; siguro dahil na rin merong mga distractions lately, pero hindi ko muna babanggitin dito dahil masyadong personal.
After shift, it is our (Leo, Pops and me) usual routine na magkita-kita sa pantry para manuod ng Mythbusters habang hinihintay na mag-die down ang crowd na nakapila sa elevator pababa. Nung isang araw, nagyaya si Megs na mag-breakfast pagka-out namin, tutal daw eh may scheduled syang salon activity by 8 AM sa Victor Ortega sa Mandaluyong. So nagkape muna kami sa pantry at konting kwentuhan habang hinihintay si Megs.
Kanina after work, niyaya ako ni Pops na dumaan sa simbahan ng Pasig. Syempre, the kaladkarin that I am, sumama ako and even told her to drop by our high school muna para kunin ko yung year book na 6 years in the making. Napaka-nostalgic ng feeling pagpasok namin sa loob.
We ended the day saying a little prayer sa tirikan ng mga kandila sa gilid ng Pasig Cathedral.
Three weeks ago, I watched Captain America with Pops and Cedric. After the movie, we decided to eat at Krung Thai, my favorite hole-in-the-wall Thai resto in Marikina. We ordered a few items in the menu, but later did we discover that the servings are typical of a pig fest, quite a lot for the the three of us. After gorging ourselves full and silly, I felt like my tummy's gonna burst into smithereens. The feast, however, did not stop there --we decided to drink afterwards.
To make the long story short, we had one hell of a great time. But little did I know that it was the start of a hideous disease that plagues me until now.
I lasted the whole week feeling bloated and uncomfortable. I may not be in the tip-top shape, but I always took pride of my superb immune system, thus I would know right away if something's wrong with my body. I realized that the puffed up feeling and the occasional itch here and there have been a little bit concerning, but I ignored the subtle signs.
One Thursday afternoon, I woke up with a very itchy patch of berry-like rashes on my lower right torso. It was accompanied by a general sense of malaise--you know that uneasy feeling indicative of a upcoming illness? A few hours later, I was feverish and my skin was very sensitive to touch. I decided to have my condition checked, and voila, the doctor told me that it's herpes.
"HERPES what now?!" my mind was trying to absorb what the doctor just told me. Herpes?! Isn't that an STD? Oh my God, where did I fucking get it? All I could remember was I haven't been sexually promiscuous recently, or active at the very least.
The doctor seemed to comprehend my gestures. "I could understand how painful that could be, hijo. I once had a patient, a nun, who would even scream in pain during neuropathic attacks. And by the way, this condition is common in the elderly. Pangalawa ka pa lang na pasyente kong bata pa na meron nyan..."
I was not sure if the doctor was telling me that I should have gotten this too soon, or the nun had not been very keen with her vows of chastity. She also told me about how "neuropathically painful" it could be, when all I was feeling is a slight tingle in the flesh when I brush my fingers on the rashes. Anyway, she prescribed a number of medicines and handed me over a medical certificate indicating that I should take a sick leave of two to three weeks. "You need to rest at home and isolate yourself inside your room. You are highly contagious," she continued.
I immediately consulted the Internet when I got back home. I was relieved to learn that the "herpes zoster " I got is different from the more dreaded "herpes simplex," which is the STD. Suddenly, they all made sense: the nun, the elderly, the pain. The disease is more popularly called "shingles," a reoccurence of the chickenpox virus. Of course shingles sounded a lot better than herpes, so every time people asked about my disease, l confidently said that "I've got the shingles."
The rash spread on my right torso in no time. A few days later, I could relate to the nun the doctor told me about-- the pain was very excruciating and awfully invalidating that I found it hard to even sit on the bed. I felt like someone was stabbing me with a knife on different parts of my torso, and the pain was not just "flesh pain," but more of "nerve pain." I would cry on every debilitating pang, thankfully an anti-neuropathic drug held the pain at bay every night when I was about to sleep. The rashes grew in number and size every day. I felt like dying.
A week later, my condition started to improve. The lesions started to weep disgusting serum, and a few days later they began to bleed and dry up. Currently, they are all itchy thanks to the scabs, but I'm happy that they're healing faster than I expected. The only problem is, the bloated feeling is back, and this time it's causing me a lot of pain. I wonder if it's just part of the repair process, but I have a strong feeling that the pain is associated with either my spleen, liver or pancreas. I'll try to have it checked by the doctor later.
Ok, I lied. That was the most disgusting stage of the lesions.
Again, Happy Birthday Rosette! Isa na namang taon ang nadagdag sa edad mo. Next time ako naman ang ilibre mo ah, hmp! ;p
July 20, 2011, Wednesday. 2:45 AM. At the office.
me: "Boss, let me just remind you na bukas na yung flight ko papuntang Palawan ah."
my boss: "WTH?!"
Apparently, he kept on forgetting what I kept on reminding him about. Anyway, wala naman syang nagawa and hinayaan nya na lang akong mag-Unpaid Leave kinabukasan at sa mga sumunod na araw hehehehe. At tuloy ang ligaya!
Dang, Coron is one hell of a place-- a paradise!
I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves ;)
Yesterday, I thought I'd be an unrelenting suitor and checked if Penelope was still faithfully sitting on her corner of the store. My eyes were fixed on a single direction and went straight to that same section where the bag was. Luckily, the sack was still there. I reached out for the price tag, filled with hopes that it would still profess her steadfast love for me.
I was ecstatic nonetheless, but didn't show any signs of joy to the attending sales man. Instead, I acted like a meticulous, poker-faced shopper, examining the details of the bag inch by inch. I let him demonstrate all the features of the sack including the rain cover, zippers, pockets, straps, metal frame back support and the quality of the materials used.
"OK. Bilhin ko na yan." I told the sales man after a rigorous inspection. He gladly escorted me to the cashier, and I thanked him for being very helpful. Hah, Penelope is my slave now. LOL
But my shopping episode did not end there. I raided Japan Home Center and looked around gleefully like a little child in a toy store. I ended up buying a seven-piece pack of disposable underwear (LOL), an industrial version of a Swiss army knife and a waterproof pouch. I made a quick trip to National Bookstore and bought a pack of Ice Breaker before going home.
Well now at least a new set of gears were added to my travel collection. Hell, I'm off to Coron in a few days! :D
And it's not a good sign.
You see, when I am too busy to post a single nonsensical musing in this corner of the cyberworld, it means that I have no free time to horse around, ergo I am a philosophically lifeless automaton designed to execute schematic/stupid/boring programs (read: just like everyone else in the world). Whatever happened to my quasi-hedonistic attitude towards life.
Well, what the hell. "My life always begin," and it will sure end in a very timely manner. Aside from making it my proverbial mantra to keep a positive outlook in life, it serves as a seemingly intelligent excuse to slack off and procrastinate, and my blog has always been a willing victim. This might be a tad overused (and oftentimes a "broken promise" material), but starting today I will try to update my blog more often than ever. No, I'm not crossing my fingers.
Anyway, I just had an unproductive Saturday. Working the graveyard shift is a bane as it is a boon to me. I have grown almost oblivious to Friday nights and the joy they bring, but at least I still have my Saturdays. I can proudly swagger it to the face of my weekend-basking friends and tell them, "hey, I have my social life too, you know." And at least I don't need to box people out at 7:30 AM just to board the bus or train.
I woke up late in the evening yesterday, and there you go, my Saturday was all down the drain. I was left with a few remaining hours to call my Saturday a real Saturday. Father Time ages quickly, and fortunately I know how to use my time cunningly and it's like smudging Olay Age-Defying Cream on his wrinkled face.
So to rescue my Saturday from utter boredom, I opted to go to Banchetto Megatent along Meralco Avenue. I was anti-culture shocked to see the unusually small crowd flocking the stalls. I guess it has garnered less patrons ever since it was expelled from its former Ortigas location. Although I kind of missed Emerald's organized chaos and the shoulder-to-shoulder traffic, I liked the new setting better. No long wait times and I can frolic around freely like a wolf in a sheepfold.
I giddily gobbled up my isaw baboy, Batac empanada (a delicious orange empanada with savory filling, which I personally prefer over the Vigan version), Luther Burger (this is definitely the killer. A thick slab of patty and strips of bacon sandwiched between Krispy Kreme donut "buns.") and Chocolate-Peanut Butter cake. Then I bought these pastry bar trio as a takeaway: Gooey Almond, Food for the Gods and Chocolate Revel Bars! Damn it, my low-calorie diet proved futile at last.
My Saturday was not bad at all, was it?
I've been such a dork for the past few months. Hay, what a fucked up season ('scuse my French). So here I am, 3:00 AM na, hindi ako makatulog. Dinadaya ang sarili na papatulugin ako ng isang mug ng Milo na tinimpla ko, na sa totoo lang eh alak naman talaga ang hinahanap ng lalamunan ko. Yes, goddamnit. Napapansin ko lang na medyo nagiging dependent na ako sa alak. I've been drinking every night for more or less a week now. Hindi ako makatulog ng normal recently, and I find solace with a nightly dose of alcohol. But hell yeah, not a good excuse. So, yaman nalang din naman na hindi ako makatulog, kayo nalang ang papatulugin ko sa pamamagitan ng sobrang tedious na istorya ng buhay ko noong mga nakaraang buwan LOL.
Last day ng October naging effective ang resignation ko sa aking huling trabaho. Wala na akong pasok, swak na swak sa All Saints' Day. Sa unang araw palang ng buwan ng Nobyembre ay meron na akong drive para maghanap ng hotel na pwede pag-practicum-an, cross my heart and hope to die. Well, confident ako na ipapasok ako ni Papa sa Manila Pen since naging ulirang empleyado naman sya dun, kumbaga meron na akong backer. So nagbigay ako ng résumé ke Papa, naghintay ng ilang araw... ilang linggo... umabot pa ng ilang buwan-- pero walang nangyari. Nakita ko naman at naramdaman ang effort ni Papa na i-follow up ang dokumento pero parang mahina na yata sya sa mga tao sa loob ng hotel. In any case, very good naman si Papa, medyo nakakatampo lang sa dati nyang mga katrabaho since parang ilang years palang naman syang nagre-retire eh parang hindi na sya pinagbibigyan. Pero ang bottom line neto, hindi dapat ako umaasa sa mga ganitong bagay. Hindi por que me backer eh dun nalang ako aasa. So sinubukan kong magpasa sa ibang hotel.
Sa totoo lang, ako naman talaga ang may kasalanan sa mga nangyayari sa akin ngayon. Napaka-choosy ko kasi, sasabihin ko sa'yo. Ang yabang at ambisyoso ko kasi. Ayokong maglalagay ng cheap-ass na hotel sa résumé ko. Gusto ko, kung magpa-practicum nalang din ako eh yung dun na sa bigatin. So nag-try akong magpasa sa ibang hotels na big time tulad ng Shangri-La at Marriott, pero wala ring tumawag sa'kin. Mala-tambiolo ang odds na makapasok ako sa mga hotel na 'yon. At recently lang eh nawalan na talaga ako ng pag-asa dahil nga kahit dun sa isang modest na hotel na in-apply-an ko sa Cubao eh hindi parin ako tinatawagan. Sabi ngclassmate ko (na doon nag-practicum), ready na daw ako for hiring kaso wala pang slots para sa mga lalake. Nakakawala ng gana at dangal. Hay, buhay nga naman.
So eto ako. Wala akong kinaiba sa mga tambay sa kanto na naghihilamos ng gin tuwing umaga.But don't get me wrong, hindi ako nagse-self-pity, Dios mio. This is the painful truth, ladies and gentlemen.
Sa lahat ng kamalasang naranasan ko noong mga nakaraang buwan, masasabi ko naman sa sarili kong wala akong pinagsisihan. Na kesyo merong mga araw na isang buong araw lang ako nakasubsob sa screen ng laptop ko, na tipong hindi ako nasisinagan ng araw, OK lang; na merong mga araw na wala akong ginawa sa buhay ko kundi magpunta kung saan-saan at kumuha ng litrato ng kung anu-ano, OK lang; na minsang sobrang gulo ng isip ko at nag-decide akong mag-impromptu trip sa Baguio mag-isa para lang mag-relax at magpaka-emo, OK lang; na minsang walang mintis gabi-gabi ang pagbarek ko ng alak mag-isa man o isang batalyon ang kasama, OK lang-- pinili kong gawin ang mga bagay na 'yon, at alam ko kung saan ako magiging masaya. I am oblivious to regrets.
Ngayon, nararamdaman ko nang paunti-unti na hindi na ako nagiging masaya sa pagiging hedonista ko, kaya't kikilos na ako at hindi ko pabubulukin ang sarili ko, naghihintay sa isang milagro na hindi naman talaga mangyayari. Most importantly, wala na akong pera. What could be a better motivator to fucking haul ass. I fucking want to get out of this parasitical dreamworld. I fucking need a distraction.
Makapag-yosi na nga lang muna. And oh, Happy Valentines' Day sucka.
1. I can stay in front of the computer (with an Internet connection of course) for hours. Or even for a whole day!
2. I have a sweet tooth, and someday I'd love to be a chocolatier and have my own patisserie.
3. I collect dried herbs, spices and condiments and cook with them every once in a while. The most curious I've got so far is a jar of pink Himalayan salt.
4. My inuman buddies would say that I am a pulutan monster. Guilty! So get ready for a banquet when drinking with me LOL
5. There are days that I don't see the sun. I'm a hermit.
6. I tend to misplace my belongings. In fact, there's a time when I lost 4 cell phones in a year (beat that).
7. I am suffering from hyperhidrosis (I sweat a lot). OK fine, ako talaga si Aquaman.
8. I wouldn't like to be born again if given the chance. Yes, I have my daily misfortunes, insecurities and stuff, but I think I'm living my life just right.
9. The beach is my ultimate repose.
10. I'm a little bit of a paranoid. Hindi naman sa nagpi-feeling gwapo ako but I always feel that people are looking at me and looking for something to criticize. That explains why I hate big crowds.
11. I am kind of asexual, amoral and apathetic. I'm basically a stone with human features...
12. ...maybe because I am somewhat choosy. But once I dote on something (or someone), I easily give in and wallow in the soup of affection.
13. I am a frustrated artist. I can still draw but I guess I have become rusty already. I used to draw comics before I went to college.
14. I also tried painting (oil on canvas) but I always find my works shabby. I need a formal education.
15. I love animals. So I love my friends.
16. My ultimate snack food (or drink) is Milo. Masarap pumapak ng Milo after kumain, and I always have a glass of Milo at home when smoking.
17. Recently I realized that I have a thing for photography (in lieu of my inferior painting skills) and I love taking landscape scenes and conceptual photos of myself (READ: 'selfies').
18. I grew up sleeping on folding beds. The ones made of tiny plastic strings.
19. And sleeping on folding beds, I used to apply oil between my toes. I just love the 'slippery feeling.' Weirdo.
20. I always dream of having a workshop. I love working on wood, paper and cloth. I already made myself a nifty pair of Japanese wooden clogs (geta) :D
21. Anime and video games usually go together, but I guess I have outgrown my anime fad. I'm still a video game fanatic though.
22. I love weird hats and headgears! I'm starting a collection of fedoras, and I love to get the bomber hats next!
23. I never leave the house without a handkerchief. Or a pack of tissue at least.
24. I am a very insecure person. I'm trying so hard to dispel the personality but it keeps on coming back.
25. I tend to be sweet and caring. People often misinterpret it, but heck I don't care.
26. I try my best to please people (or at least not hurt them), even to the point that it's not being convenient for me anymore.
27. If I learn something really scandalous about a person, I keep it to myself. If I can't handle it anymore, I confide it with a close friend who I can really trust.
28. I'm not very showy about it but I love my family so much. I promised myself to give them a better life.
29. I used to be very vindictive and even thought that, if only murder is not a crime I might have done it quite a couple of times already. Fortunately age has taught me a lesson about the values of life.
30. I like finding rad things in strange places, it's like a treasure hunt. Thrift shop and garage sales, anyone?
31. When I'm sad, I love traveling alone. When I'm happy, I love setting off with my friends.
32. I love to write. How I wish I can finish a novel. Or a short story at least.
33. I'm a tinker. I'm really not tech-savvy but I learned a few know-hows from my previous jobs. I can produce a signal booster from a Pringles can, a mirror or a strainer!
34. I can do any household chore. Problem is, I'm a slacker.
35. I'm not fond of books, but I love to read. Selected genres only.
36. My musical taste is universal. I sing April Boy Regino in frenzied karaoke sessions and listen to Chopin in my quiet time alone.
37. I'm not a frequent movie-goer. I mainly enjoy the cinemas because of my friends.
38. I believe in the Supreme Being. For me, everything underneath the umbrella of this topic is a complex mesh of unintelligible brouhaha.
40. I have a very low degree of tolerance for noise, pain and heat.
41. Iniiwasan ko na ang beer. But a sub-zero bottle is a completely different story.
42. Beach camping is the most memorable out-of-town experience for me. Grilled fish, green mango salad, bagoong and campfire s'mores-- these things are still haunting me. I want to sleep in a bigger tent though LOL
43. I'm drawn to the colors black, white and brown. Excellent gift idea, right? LOL
44. Such a shame but I'm afraid to buy fish and meat in the market because I might end up buying the bad stuff. BTW, I'm an HRM student LOL
45. Only my real close friends know (and see) my "wild" side. I am usually perceived as a mysterious and quiet folk (that's what they say).
46. I'm not enjoying college, sorry... if not for my desire to get a diploma for my parents, I wouldn't have been back to school.
47. I can sing, but really, I don't have an awesome voice. Interestingly enough, I auditioned for Glee Club in high school and got in as a tenor, but decided not to pursue it.
48. I am a very gentle and peaceful person. I got involved in a very few fist fights in my childhood, but I don't remember myself picking one.
49. If I am given the chance to learn to play a musical instrument overnight, it would be the piano or the violin. Sad, slow music soothes me.
50. I am a very adaptable person. I love the company of people who knows how to blend in to their surroundings too (koboy)!
God, I just want to be numb for now. Else I'll be an emotional a-hole for the rest of my life.