Random Thoughts: May

People are used to seeing the bad things more than the good. Could it be a concrete proof of man's innate propensity to set things right? Or is it man's inclination to strive for perfection, Pride as an original sin, which caused the fall of Lucifer and his hosts of angels?

A perfect and hackneyed example of this epistemological concept is a white paper stained with a minuscule blot of black ink. We have this tendency to fix our eyes on things that, we think, are not part of a perfect picture: with a raised eyebrow you look at this blot of imperfection and ask, "what the hell is this tiny, almost-invisible-if-only-I-am-not-a-nitpicking-asshole blot doing here?"

Now you can ask yourself, "what is the purpose of this paper in the first place? Will the patches of stain here and there affect the way I am going to use it? Is there a need for me to dab white paint over an insignificant blotch? Should I throw it away just because it is not 'perfect?'"

Well, I should have known from the start. When a person walks into my life and pull on my heartstrings, he or she will be serving some sort of a purpose. Never mind the spots, as I myself am not perfect anyway.

March Wows and Woes

March passed by like a thief in the night, and I was not able to keep up with my vow to at least post one blog entry every month. I therefore conclude that March has been a busy month for me. Really now.

Interestingly enough, the day after I published the last melodramatic entry about my practicum woes (that was a Valentine's Day), I received a text message from a hotel's HR department, inviting me over for an interview-- I never knew blog entries are now the fastest way to God's mailbox. So I headed to the hotel the following day (a not-so-famous hotel in Cubao), went through the typical exam-and-interview recruitment process and a few hours later, I was proven useful again. Luckily, I was assigned in the Human Resources department and saved me the hassle of carrying heavy oval trays in the Food & Beverage department or bundles of linen in the Housekeeping department. The HR officer might have been intrigued, as I was the only applicant (or the only person in the hotel, for that matter) who got a perfect score on the exam.

Everything's kind of a cakewalk for the whole duration of my training in the HR department. Though the job of an intern in the office could be menial and boring, I am proud to say that I have learned a lot of things, professional or otherwise. Cutting to the chase, most of them are Human Resources-related, essential tidbits to help me land a job more easily. 6 weeks after, I'm back to being a bum.

But we're not on the worst part yet.

Processing the application for graduation is such a major pain in the fucking ass. Tiniis ko ang pagkahaba-habang mga pila na kelangan ipila at ang hirap ng pagpo-proseso in general, just to learn that I'M STILL NOT GRADUATING. Why? Marami pa daw akong deficiencies. Subjects from 1st and 2nd year na wala sa curriculum na ginamit ko dati, knowing na tapos ko na ang 1st and 2nd year subjects ko. Plain fucking BULLSHITTING, right? Who the fucking hell cares anyway?

OK, I'm having iced tea.

Random Thoughts: February

I've been such a dork for the past few months. Hay, what a fucked up season ('scuse my French). So here I am, 3:00 AM na, hindi ako makatulog. Dinadaya ang sarili na papatulugin ako ng isang mug ng Milo na tinimpla ko, na sa totoo lang eh alak naman talaga ang hinahanap ng lalamunan ko. Yes, goddamnit. Napapansin ko lang na medyo nagiging dependent na ako sa alak. I've been drinking every night for more or less a week now. Hindi ako makatulog ng normal recently, and I find solace with a nightly dose of alcohol. But hell yeah, not a good excuse. So, yaman nalang din naman na hindi ako makatulog, kayo nalang ang papatulugin ko sa pamamagitan ng sobrang tedious na istorya ng buhay ko noong mga nakaraang buwan LOL.

Last day ng October naging effective ang resignation ko sa aking huling trabaho. Wala na akong pasok, swak na swak sa All Saints' Day. Sa unang araw palang ng buwan ng Nobyembre ay meron na akong drive para maghanap ng hotel na pwede pag-practicum-an, cross my heart and hope to die. Well, confident ako na ipapasok ako ni Papa sa Manila Pen since naging ulirang empleyado naman sya dun, kumbaga meron na akong backer. So nagbigay ako ng résumé ke Papa, naghintay ng ilang araw... ilang linggo... umabot pa ng ilang buwan-- pero walang nangyari. Nakita ko naman at naramdaman ang effort ni Papa na i-follow up ang dokumento pero parang mahina na yata sya sa mga tao sa loob ng hotel. In any case, very good naman si Papa, medyo nakakatampo lang sa dati nyang mga katrabaho since parang ilang years palang naman syang nagre-retire eh parang hindi na sya pinagbibigyan. Pero ang bottom line neto, hindi dapat ako umaasa sa mga ganitong bagay. Hindi por que me backer eh dun nalang ako aasa. So sinubukan kong magpasa sa ibang hotel.

Sa totoo lang, ako naman talaga ang may kasalanan sa mga nangyayari sa akin ngayon. Napaka-choosy ko kasi, sasabihin ko sa'yo. Ang yabang at ambisyoso ko kasi. Ayokong maglalagay ng cheap-ass na hotel sa résumé ko. Gusto ko, kung magpa-practicum nalang din ako eh yung dun na sa bigatin. So nag-try akong magpasa sa ibang hotels na big time tulad ng Shangri-La at Marriott, pero wala ring tumawag sa'kin. Mala-tambiolo ang odds na makapasok ako sa mga hotel na 'yon. At recently lang eh nawalan na talaga ako ng pag-asa dahil nga kahit dun sa isang modest na hotel na in-apply-an ko sa Cubao eh hindi parin ako tinatawagan. Sabi ngclassmate ko (na doon nag-practicum), ready na daw ako for hiring kaso wala pang slots para sa mga lalake. Nakakawala ng gana at dangal. Hay, buhay nga naman.

So eto ako. Wala akong kinaiba sa mga tambay sa kanto na naghihilamos ng gin tuwing umaga.But don't get me wrong, hindi ako nagse-self-pity, Dios mio. This is the painful truth, ladies and gentlemen.

Sa lahat ng kamalasang naranasan ko noong mga nakaraang buwan, masasabi ko naman sa sarili kong wala akong pinagsisihan. Na kesyo merong mga araw na isang buong araw lang ako nakasubsob sa screen ng laptop ko, na tipong hindi ako nasisinagan ng araw, OK lang; na merong mga araw na wala akong ginawa sa buhay ko kundi magpunta kung saan-saan at kumuha ng litrato ng kung anu-ano, OK lang; na minsang sobrang gulo ng isip ko at nag-decide akong mag-impromptu trip sa Baguio mag-isa para lang mag-relax at magpaka-emo, OK lang; na minsang walang mintis gabi-gabi ang pagbarek ko ng alak mag-isa man o isang batalyon ang kasama, OK lang-- pinili kong gawin ang mga bagay na 'yon, at alam ko kung saan ako magiging masaya. I am oblivious to regrets.

Ngayon, nararamdaman ko nang paunti-unti na hindi na ako nagiging masaya sa pagiging hedonista ko, kaya't kikilos na ako at hindi ko pabubulukin ang sarili ko, naghihintay sa isang milagro na hindi naman talaga mangyayari. Most importantly, wala na akong pera. What could be a better motivator to fucking haul ass. I fucking want to get out of this parasitical dreamworld. I fucking need a distraction.

Makapag-yosi na nga lang muna. And oh, Happy Valentines' Day sucka.

50 Random Things About Me

This has been sitting in my Drafts for quite some time now. Thanking Leo for the idea (this list originally goes on up to 100, but I find it too tedious already), and Pops for her recent Facebook Note 'cause I finally got this thing over and done with LOL. Anyway, some people might not know me so well, so here's a few tidbits about me. I hope they're not so TMI-ish though!


1. I can stay in front of the computer (with an Internet connection of course) for hours. Or even for a whole day!

2. I have a sweet tooth, and someday I'd love to be a chocolatier and have my own patisserie.

3. I collect dried herbs, spices and condiments and cook with them every once in a while. The most curious I've got so far is a jar of pink Himalayan salt.

4. My inuman buddies would say that I am a pulutan monster. Guilty! So get ready for a banquet when drinking with me LOL

5. There are days that I don't see the sun. I'm a hermit.

6. I tend to misplace my belongings. In fact, there's a time when I lost 4 cell phones in a year (beat that).

7. I am suffering from hyperhidrosis (I sweat a lot). OK fine, ako talaga si Aquaman.

8. I wouldn't like to be born again if given the chance. Yes, I have my daily misfortunes, insecurities and stuff, but I think I'm living my life just right.

9. The beach is my ultimate repose.

10. I'm a little bit of a paranoid. Hindi naman sa nagpi-feeling gwapo ako but I always feel that people are looking at me and looking for something to criticize. That explains why I hate big crowds.

11. I am kind of asexual, amoral and apathetic. I'm basically a stone with human features...

12. ...maybe because I am somewhat choosy. But once I dote on something (or someone), I easily give in and wallow in the soup of affection.

13. I am a frustrated artist. I can still draw but I guess I have become rusty already. I used to draw comics before I went to college.

14. I also tried painting (oil on canvas) but I always find my works shabby. I need a formal education.

15. I love animals. So I love my friends.

16. My ultimate snack food (or drink) is Milo. Masarap pumapak ng Milo after kumain, and I always have a glass of Milo at home when smoking.

17. Recently I realized that I have a thing for photography (in lieu of my inferior painting skills) and I love taking landscape scenes and conceptual photos of myself (READ: 'selfies').

18. I grew up sleeping on folding beds. The ones made of tiny plastic strings.

19. And sleeping on folding beds, I used to apply oil between my toes. I just love the 'slippery feeling.' Weirdo.

20. I always dream of having a workshop. I love working on wood, paper and cloth. I already made myself a nifty pair of Japanese wooden clogs (geta) :D

21. Anime and video games usually go together, but I guess I have outgrown my anime fad. I'm still a video game fanatic though.

22. I love weird hats and headgears! I'm starting a collection of fedoras, and I love to get the bomber hats next!

23. I never leave the house without a handkerchief. Or a pack of tissue at least.

24. I am a very insecure person. I'm trying so hard to dispel the personality but it keeps on coming back.

25. I tend to be sweet and caring. People often misinterpret it, but heck I don't care.

26. I try my best to please people (or at least not hurt them), even to the point that it's not being convenient for me anymore.

27. If I learn something really scandalous about a person, I keep it to myself. If I can't handle it anymore, I confide it with a close friend who I can really trust.

28. I'm not very showy about it but I love my family so much. I promised myself to give them a better life.

29. I used to be very vindictive and even thought that, if only murder is not a crime I might have done it quite a couple of times already. Fortunately age has taught me a lesson about the values of life.

30. I like finding rad things in strange places, it's like a treasure hunt. Thrift shop and garage sales, anyone?

31. When I'm sad, I love traveling alone. When I'm happy, I love setting off with my friends.

32. I love to write. How I wish I can finish a novel. Or a short story at least.

33. I'm a tinker. I'm really not tech-savvy but I learned a few know-hows from my previous jobs. I can produce a signal booster from a Pringles can, a mirror or a strainer!

34. I can do any household chore. Problem is, I'm a slacker.

35. I'm not fond of books, but I love to read. Selected genres only.

36. My musical taste is universal. I sing April Boy Regino in frenzied karaoke sessions and listen to Chopin in my quiet time alone.

37. I'm not a frequent movie-goer. I mainly enjoy the cinemas because of my friends.

38. I believe in the Supreme Being. For me, everything underneath the umbrella of this topic is a complex mesh of unintelligible brouhaha.

40. I have a very low degree of tolerance for noise, pain and heat.

41. Iniiwasan ko na ang beer. But a sub-zero bottle is a completely different story.

42. Beach camping is the most memorable out-of-town experience for me. Grilled fish, green mango salad, bagoong and campfire s'mores-- these things are still haunting me. I want to sleep in a bigger tent though LOL

43. I'm drawn to the colors black, white and brown. Excellent gift idea, right? LOL

44. Such a shame but I'm afraid to buy fish and meat in the market because I might end up buying the bad stuff. BTW, I'm an HRM student LOL

45. Only my real close friends know (and see) my "wild" side. I am usually perceived as a mysterious and quiet folk (that's what they say).

46. I'm not enjoying college, sorry... if not for my desire to get a diploma for my parents, I wouldn't have been back to school.

47. I can sing, but really, I don't have an awesome voice. Interestingly enough, I auditioned for Glee Club in high school and got in as a tenor, but decided not to pursue it.

48. I am a very gentle and peaceful person. I got involved in a very few fist fights in my childhood, but I don't remember myself picking one.

49. If I am given the chance to learn to play a musical instrument overnight, it would be the piano or the violin. Sad, slow music soothes me.

50. I am a very adaptable person. I love the company of people who knows how to blend in to their surroundings too (koboy)!

Random Thoughts: January

In times like these when it's the dead of night, the silence is deafening and my mind is astray, I am compelled by the little voices in my head to write. Well, I guess I will have to use the word "write" instead of "type" though I'm actually typing right now, but I wish you get the gist of what I'm trying to say. But I digressed. Anyway, to make things less complicated, I guess I am left with no choice but to sew random words together, trying to make sense out of them as if I myself am making sense right now. You see, I'm just basically beating around the bush here. Up to now I've typed more or less a hundred words already but I still don't find all these words sensible.


God, I just want to be numb for now. Else I'll be an emotional a-hole for the rest of my life.

The Triviality of Kindness

When you bawl someone out, you don't expect the person to be happy with it for whatever reason-- be it just for the sake of bitching out, or out of love that needs a compelling force. Take the laundry for example. A heavily stained shirt needs a good cleaning, and the regular routine of scrubbing, washing and wringing won't shoo the stubborn stain off; however, a good dose of bleach will do the trick. So you put on some bleach, the stain washes off in a jiffy, problem solved, you're happy. Out of good intention to clean it, you can not deny the fact that you 'hurt' the shirt-- bleach, if not entirely, is mostly made up of chlorine, a chemical known to adulterate or eat through fabrics (chemists please correct me if I'm wrong). You may have a good intention to "bleach" the person to perfect clean, but being sensitive enough to mince matters a little bit makes a lot of difference.

Learning the lesson and just forgetting the harshness of the words in a rebuke isn't as easy as removing the bone from a steak. It may seem so cliché and basic, but with all its triviality I learned that even the most intelligent people I know seem to forget it-- or rather, don't know it at all. Or maybe I'm just being too soapy and sensitive, I don't know. There are different strokes for different folks anyway.

Yet, I'd rather have a stupid and considering heart than an extra-large brain with an iron hand.

A Month of Bumship

Sa loob ng isang buwan na pagiging "palam" or bum, ni-hindi ko man lang naramdaman masyado ang petiks. Sa sobrang busy sa mga ginagawang pag-aasikaso sa mga dokumento sa school, parang hindi na rin naman ako masyadong nakakapagpahinga.

So, isang buwan na ang nakalipas pero wala parin akong nakikitang hotel kung san pwede mag-practicum. Well, kasalanan ko rin naman since hindi pa naman ako naghahanap LOL. Next week, pag-iigihan ko na talaga. At next week, kasal na ng isa sa mga pinakamatalik kong kaibigan.

'Nuff said.

Random Thoughts: October

This ain't one of them rant posts I've done in the past. I've had enough fretting and fuming last night when I lost my cellphone (oh yeah! I did, AGAIN) inside an Internet café, thanks to the nimble hand of a gangster-type kid. I just wish I had implanted a mini-bomb inside it so I could just blast the thief's hand away. Seriously, I'm the vindictive type, so pardon me for being so macabre with the punishment. But OK, enough with the gory wishful thinking.

So today's October 12, 2010. Nineteen days to go and I'm back to the life of a vagabond. Perfect timing, right? I can hardly imagine myself cellphone-less at a time like this. I expect myself to be penniless in the next few days because the company will be holding off my next salary, since I am just rendering thirty days of work for the transition (oh no I'm ranting again).

I just thought of setting off for a journey, to somewhere far and paradisaical, all by myself. Human life is like a phoenix's-- I guess there's always a point in a person's life when he build himself a funeral pyre, consume himself with the stressful flames, ultimately being reduced into ashes, and the ending could either be him dead meat forever or born again from the same ashes. And I'm exactly in the phase wherein I'm preparing myself for my own ritual cremation. Maybe I can board a random bus and be taken off to an equally-random unheard-of place, or ride a ferry sailing to the remote islands of the South China Sea. Or if the budget will allow, I can take a plane and fly to Batanes with just a map, and enough courage.

All these, of course after I get myself a new phone. Ugh.

In Between

I just realized that I had so much fun times in my academic in-between. I define academic in-between as the time when I was out of school, dedicating almost entirely my then pure and innocent life to the call center world. Rough times, most especially in financial terms, pushed me to peg my sanity away to earn the money, donning headsets and frying my eyes thanks to my everyday encounters with the computer monitor. I thought I'd left the world of fake accents and everyday fastfood lunch as soon as I went back to school-- but I'm still here, and I'm more than thankful to have this job as it helps me fend for my school expenses.

I can still recall my first successful application stint. I got a job as a Sales Rep in Telus (it was called Ambergris in the good old days) and I was excited like hell. The pay was not bad for a guy who just landed his first job, knowing that a boy typical of my age back then resorts to applying in fastfood chains and coffee shops. I met a wonderful team of call center neophytes whom I all quickly become good friends with. On our first payday, we decided to go to Cubao to celebrate this important chapter of our lives. I can still remember how happy I was when I bought my learning-Latin book from National Bookstore with my first hard-earned salary.

I have to admit that I applied on several centers before I got hired in Ambergris, but when you already have even a bit of experience working in one, it won't be hard for you to land another. After 4 months, I decided to move to TeleTech Cainta, which is closer to our house.

The batch I was with is full of first-timers too, but I didn't tell them that I know a few know-hows in the industry. So I treated myself as one of them novices too, anyway it was a brand new role as a Technical Support Rep in an equally brand new workplace. Within my year-and-a-half stay in this company, I met some of the awesomest people on Earth. I developed some sort of attachment to the company that tears welled up in my eyes the moment I was bidding my teammates farewell. That's when it hit me: in this kind of business people come and go, and it happens so damn fast.

The next call center I worked in attracted probably the best apples from different BPO orchards. 24/7 Customer offered a very generous compensation package, that's why I decided to transfer. I was humbled when I learned about the work experience the people in my batch have-- in here, everyone's an expert and highly technically-knowledgeable. Despite the attractive pay, I resigned after 6 months and decided not to work in a call center anymore-- the nature of the job was so stressful that I had bad cases of tonsillopharyngitis every once in a while.

Luckily, I was hired as a Financial Voice Writer/Editor at McGraw-Hill. I was informed that the job would start no sooner than 2 months, so for the mean time I worked in another BPO company as an E-mail support agent at LWS Media. The pay was surprisingly high compared to other centers, but I didn't take the job seriously despite the stress-free environment. After more than a month, I went off to train as a voice writer.

I came to a point where I decided to settle down with the job as it paid pretty well and I was a part of wonderful team. But Fate is a playful element, and I eventually learned that that year was my last chance to enroll in school. Otherwise, PUP won't accept me back in EVER. So I had to give up the wonderful opportunity to go back to school.

And here I am, albeit I almost cursed this type of job. I'm working alongside a team of cool and wonderful people and they make a year of monotony bearable. But in more or less a month from now, I will finally have to lay my headset to rest. And the good old refillable plastic binder that I use in school for 2 years. Did I have any regrets? Not a bit. Noticed that I used the word "wonderful" a couple of times?

Sa loob ng mahigit-kumulang tatlong taon na tumigil ako sa pag-aaral, dito ko nakilala ang mga taong tatatak sa puso't isip ko. Wala akong pinagsisihan, ni-gapatak. Naging masaya ako at mas naging mature at responsableng tao dahil sa mga taong nakilala ko sa aking in-between. Kaya sa inyong lahat na nakilala ko sa aking in-between, maraming salamat sa lahat ng suporta at encouragement na nanggaling sa inyo para ipagpatuloy ko ang aking pag-aaral.

I'll save my thank-you graduation speech for next year ;)

Random Thoughts: August

Kelan lang, nagkaroon ako ng lagnat na nag-last for 5 days. Akala ko nga dengue na, dahil bukod pa sa on-and-off na lagnat ay nagdugo pa ang ilong ko nung nakasakay ako sa LRT papuntang school, nakakahiya tuloy. Buti nalang na ngayon, OK na ako. Pangalawang araw ko nang walang lagnat, at dahil dun hindi na ako nagpa-check up sa doctor. Sana nga eh simpleng trangkaso lang yun dahil sa pabago-bagong panahon.

At sa wakas ay natapos na ang mga kalbaryo ko sa school. Pasencia na ma'am Tina, pero hindi na po ako aako ng isang mabigat na responsibilidad next time hehehe. Mahirap talagang pagsabayin ang trabaho at pag-aaral, kaya sa mga estudyanteng balak umalis sa pag-aaral at gusto na lang magtrabaho, THINK AGAIN! I learned it all the hard way.

Medyo nae-excite na ako sa Hotel Practicum namin sa darating na 2nd sem. At the same time, nalulungkot din ako dahil iiwan ko ang isang trabahong naging second home ko for a year. Yes, I will have to say goodbye again. Ilang beses na nga ba akong nagpaalam sa mga taong natutunan ko nang pahalagahan? Ganun yata talaga ang buhay, wala talagang nagtatagal. Pero syempre, hindi matatapos ang pagkakaibigan namin sa resignation ko hehehe. We'll see to it na may mga gala kami every once in a while.

Masyado pa yatang maaga para mag-emo....